November 25, 2022

Why dividing the chores could be ruining your sex life

How to revive the spark in our relationship? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I have always encouraged my husband to help me with household chores. And he does! He is really great and does a lot of things around the house.

I really love him for that, but something’s not right. Our sex life has completely vanished. It’s almost like we’re so nice to each other that we get boring.

How to recover the spark?

Gone flat

Chris says,

Hi Gone Flat!

I will probably receive endless criticism for saying this, but when husbands do the things their wives say they want help with, like housework for example, then the couple’s sex life often goes flat.

When women focus on the more feminine tasks and their husbands do the more masculine things, then all is well. The only exception seems to be the kitchen! A man who is a great cook can be very exciting.

It’s as if men doing feminine tasks turn off something very primitive in our brains. Whereas with a more traditional division of labour, husbands and wives have a much better time in bed.

So I’m sure you really love your husband for his help. But are you really turned on by a man doing the dishes? Because what makes for good relationships doesn’t necessarily make for lust.

In fact, we often get turned on at night by the exact same things that we would hate during the day. A wife who wants her husband to take charge at bedtime might just say he was controlled in broad daylight.

So it seems that the less gender differences there are in your marriage, the less sexual desire you will feel. Everything else will be great, but the sex will be lifeless.

This means that the sexes are not as interchangeable as they seem. And traditional roles are more exciting! OK, we’re talking about averages here, so there’s no doubt some wives out there who think watching their husbands make the beds is really sexy. But not a lot.

Obviously, husbands should help their wives and wives should help their husbands. Because that’s what good spouses do. But there is a delicate balance to be struck. Because having lots of passionate sex is a surprisingly important part of marriage.

It’s amazing how much it brightens both of your lives, enhances your creativity, makes you look younger, and helps you get along and feel loved and satisfied.

So it may go against your feminist principles, but you’ll have more fun in bed if you encourage your husband to stick to more masculine tasks. Especially the ones that show off his muscles and make him sweat!

All my wishes,

Chris