Newly emerged adult cicadas dry their wings on May 16, 2004 in a Washington, DC park After 17 years of living underground, billions of cicadas belonging to Brood X are beginning to emerge across much of the eastern United States. Cicadas shed their larval skin, spread their wings and fly away to mate, making a huge noise in the process. (Photo by Alex Wong / Getty Images)

Alex Wong / Getty Images

The biggest stars of 2021 are finally about to make their long-awaited debut: Brood X.

For those who are not familiar, Brood X is literally billions of cicadas who resurface with the song of their people after spending 17 years in hiding. The last time we saw Brood X come out of the ground? May 2004. We will only see our Texas cicadas this spring, but 15 states and Washington DC will welcome noisy insects.

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And if I was a cicada buried deep underground and awaiting my triumphant return after 17 years, I would probably expect to emerge into a utopia beyond my wildest dreams compared to the chaos Brood X endured in 2004.

But maybe they’ll feel right at home in the comparative chaos of 2021?

Here are the conversations I expect Brood X to have with the other bugs inhabiting this trash fire with us:

  1. “Man, there was a lot of conflict the last time we were here. I’m glad we permanently withdrawn from afghanistan now. Wait, what… “
  2. “What a beautiful nap for 17 years. The federal minimum wage must be huge now. $ 7.25?
  3. “I must subscribe to how much streaming services? ”
  4. “They didn’t do any ‘Star Wars’ movies worse than ‘Phantom Menace’ while we were gone, right? “
  5. “I love being a cicada and not a disgusting cricket, the warning signs of plagues … I’m sorry, did you say global pandemic? “
  6. “It was so cool to see Lance Armstrong win another Tour de France the last time we were here! What is he doing now? ”
  7. “I must have so many AIM messages right now, it’s going to take me days to reply to everyone.”
  8. “We must have has arrived on Mars now, alright? … What is a ‘Elon Musk’? “
  9. “‘The Lord of the Rings’ was so awesome, have they ever done ‘The Hobbit’? I’m sorry, did you say Three movies? It’s way too much. “
  10. “Wait, what happened to D12? “
  11. Who did you say was president ????

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These poor cicadas will probably need time to adjust.

Good luck, Brood X. We’re all in the same boat.

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